Isn't that the way?
Well, I've just realized that this has turned into a total bitch blog. That is not what I wanted to create, so I'm ending it now. I'm in a more upbeat place right now so I don't want to do this anymore.

It's been...well bitchy.

Later guys!

But you are Blanch
Now Playing: not a thing, I couldn't contaminate any song with this.
Topic: Just plain old pissed off
Well, as I said in my last entry I hoped it wouldn't get worse, but damn my friends it has. I was off work for a day and suddenly hell broke loose. It has happened before and usually it is instigated by my boss. He is usually clueless as to what's going on, so when something or someone alerts him to something different he freaks. You hear me? FREAKS.

I was out for one day and suddenly we had the entire company involved in my job. I knew trouble was a brewing when I walked in the next day. Suddenly people were asking me if I was ok? or they where glad I was back. Basically asking are you here? good. I talked to a few people once back and I'll tell you what happened.

At least how I imagine it since I've heard so much from others.

Someone asked if something was done. End of story.

I guarentee you that once that question was asked even though we have been behind for the last 2 months, it hit my boss hard. He realizes that we might not actually get a catalog out on time and it's killing him. Welcome to the real word you head in the sand motherfucker!

I suddenly realized that I knew why I haven't had a vacation in 5 years. I take off 1 or 2 days because my life is turned upside down if I take just a simple sick day off. Well fuck you son of a bitch.

Of course when I got to work Tuesday, I had lots of questions. But the worst was him calling me in when I was sick and then pretending like nothing happened. Well it certainly had, he had at least 5 people trying to get me caught up. (I make sure I'm always good to miss one day when I leave so this shit doesn't happen). It took me 2 days to clear the shit he caused up. However...

When I got in the next day I have an email from him to see him right away. I can't even describe the way I spent my next 2 days, other than it wasn't doing my normal job. Workflows, deadlines etc...

Then to add to this perfect week I got to get into a shouting match with one of the Merchandisers and Product Managers. Fun times.

Sad thing is our German Catalog hasn't even started. I'm pretty sure that it's either going to make me finally "finally" quit or die!

How do you tell your boss that you simply can't keep up with the influx? I know the answers, but they don't work. I'm simply at a point where I'm going to have to say, get me help or I quit. Or, I'm going to keep it up and kill myself.

Notice I didn't say give me more money? More money will not make it less work and less stressful. Why do people always think that more money will make you get it done? I can only spend so much time at work.

I took yesterday off and told no one so I could catch up and get shit done. I want to just close up and shut myself off right now. And yet I know that's really stupid.

I haven't even called my friend Jack lately and that's sad. He's probably the only person I can tell anything to. Whew! That was a lot to get out. I need to just quit and get a really calm Job that I'll love. Really, I'm quite good at a lot of things and probably wouldn't have a hard time, but it's always just the "what if" factor.

Add onto that, I just don't like where I live, my family is fucked up. Well you just have to see why I'm so messed up, right? Right? Honestly, I know I'm not that messed up. I'm just stressed. Yeah that's right just stressed.

PS: I took all day off tomorrow and did nothing but clean and get together so I can move if necassary.

PPSS: I hate work and everything it stands for. : )

Whistle While You Work
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Mozart
Wow! That was a week that needed to end. Went in about 6am and got home about 7pm. We busted ass. I keep hopeing that this is the end of the crazy period, but doubt it is.

I'm now sitting at home, drinking a "Bill Martini", and life is better. I only have to worry about the shit that considers itself life. I want to explain this, and yet I want to just forget it ever happened.

I'll choose the latter. It's easier.

Later my friends.

Btw: I'm totally loving "America, the book" by John Stewart. Informative and yet hilarious.

BTW: A Bill Martini is a martini glass filled with "high end vodka then topped off with either lime or black cherry kool-aid". Delish@

don't drink and drive after this.

The Kindness of strangers
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Showtunes of course
She could see I was having a bad day and stressed and she went the extra mile. Sometimes when you think it can't get worse, an unexpected person stops you and makes you have a good day. Who knew?

I got up late, bitching the entire time I got ready to go into the nastiness that has become work. Once there I had to immediately go back out "shopping" for crap for the million and one shots we are backed up with.

I needed 3 dozen potted plants among other things. I decided to kill 2 birds with one stone. Go to the local Biggs and get it all. I pull up and park and as I'm doing so remember that hey this shit is not going to fit into my car, and I don't have anything to put on my seats to keep the plant dirt from soiling my upholstry. Then remember that my cell is at work not on me.

I go ahead into the nursery area and grab a cart. I start picking out plants and looking around. Don't see anybody to help. A woman walks out of the greenhouse and asks if I need help. I tell her what I'm there for. She proceeds to get me everything I need plus has plastic to put on my seats. She was just wonderful and very cheerful (at 8:30 am no less). I just went with it and totally enjoyed her enthusiasm. It was catching. I actually had a pretty good day from that point on.

Just wanted to mention it. People do come through even though they don't know it.

Peace out people...stay sane and stay nice. It does affect others. What was that crappy movie? Play it forward or something. Well I did for the rest of the day. I gave out the plants and made people happy at no cost to me.

I sometimes love life!

Love life...

Later on my friends.

Oh Yeah
And we're putting out a German catalog and Canadian Catalog in the next 6 months.

Help me!

Do I need to make up a title?
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Carmen
I'm feeling like the Gypsy Carmen. I'm stuck in a bad situation and it will probably not end nicely.

Work, work how do I describe what's going on? Easy words would be bad, stressful, evil. Then I start thinking about it and it's actually becoming, harmfull, detrimental, and basically not good for me. What do I do about it?

I've had the talk with the PD (prima donna) photog. He's fully aware now of what is going on and what is at stake. For an added ball buster he's got a review on Friday. Let him deal with the crap. Although I'm getting the impression that he will get the same review that I get. "You are great and well you need to change some things (do some workflows to make me happy) etc... The Boss is getting pretty predictable in his anal retentivness.

You are all wrong, I am right!

I'm beginning to put in more hours and still it's still coming. I'm just not sure when or if it's going to end.

Yesterday I heard someone bring a tour through the department and she (in her loud way) tells the people that we are producing more with fewer people. Keep in mind that I'm now putting in a lot more hours (I'm salary, so no overtime), and you can imagine my mind-set when I left. It's pretty much "fuck you people, I'm going home".

I long for the days of 2 catalogs and feeling like it's never going to end. However it did and I had a few weeks that I could take a week off. I've not taken a week off in 4 years. I'll do the Friday and Monday thing or a day or two off during the week, but yep no full week off in 4 years. How sick is that? I know it's my fault mostly. But damn when I take a week off it takes me at least 4 full 14 hour days to make it up.

Ok enough about hell.

I bought some artwork over the weekend. It was for a good cause and I needed some artwork. It's a b/w print by Thomas Barbey. It's called "O Duomo Mio". It's really gorgeous and quite soothing. I thank him for making it.

I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog to the "Bitch About Work" blog. It seems that's all I do anymore.

I appologize to the friends that I've made into my peronal shrinks lately. Didn't mean to.

Later guys, hope it gets better.



Catalogs we are doing now....

2 Source Book Catalogs 825 pages
16 Best of Catalogs 96 pages
6 Specific Market Catalogs 16 pages
2 General Retail Catalogs 296 pages
Web/Inernet pages ? pages
Total Pages 3974 pages

3 years ago pages 1650 pages

Just a quiet reminder of the difference. And I'm guessing at the internet thingy. It's becoming a really nast thing per month.

This is the end
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Nada
Well, guess this is why the show was ended. And it's a good thing really. It got annoying after about season 4. I'm talking about my Sex And The City marathon. Wow! I'm really kinda glad that this is ending. Don't get me wrong I've loved it all the way and want to move to Manhattan. And yet I wonder would I really like that or would I after all .... Only those that have seen the show will appreciate how the last sentance went.

Ok so I've milked my Sex madness for all it's worth. Yet do I want to ask. "Do I have a Life After All?

Seriously though, how good was that show? Mr. Big? Aiden? Burger? Steve?

However it confirmed my "lifestyle choice/calling. I'm fucking glad I'm gay. Who could deal with women? No offense to women but hey.

Other than that it's been the same old thing at work. Just got home after a 14 hour day and I was all ready to go out, yet by the time I tidied up and got ready I no longer wanted to. Maybe tomorrow.

We had a "Hello Kitty/Goodbye Becky" party today. It was the last day of a sweet, pretty (where am I going to get a model), young, talented woman. She's decided that she needs to work closer to home and daughter. Who can blame her? She's a very cute/hot girl/woman and her first boyfriend and I had a great talk when we met. They didn't marry. Was it something I said?

Work wise things are getting really fucked up and I just realized that I need to step up and just have a "talk" with photo guy and tell him how I feel. Be an adult and all. I'll have to type it all up and rehearse it first. I mean beides the fact that he's stepped up the "everybody who does anything else is gay" thing, he's ok.

That's not where I have a problem with him. It's work. He's become a Web Designer, which is great but it's becoming a problem with me getting my jog done.

I'd thought about going to my boss, but thought hey, I'm an adult and I'll do it. Plus we're friends why wouldn't I? I amaze at why people don't just say what they feel.

Got home late so didn't go out. Gotta work in the morning, so will probably go out later than usual.

I'm home already
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Ella sings Cole Porter
Topic: When did I get so old?
Ok, so am I ugly or what? I don't get it. I get better responses and action when I do it on line. Slut? perhaps but I don't really think so. But why else would this evening have happened?

I decided to go out and went about 8:00. Early I know but hey I'm gettin old. I started at Pipeline and made my way to Shooters. Nothing at either place. Talked to a few but nothing worth anything.

Went to Spurs after that and it was just dead. Walked over to Carol's and thought ok here is where it's happening. 2 hours later I'm home. What is wrong with the people out there? Is it me? Do I just expect to much, someone is going to be nice? Fuck I'm tired of this shit. I don't even want a relationship, just would like someone to say hey you are a hot man. FUCK! I thought I was over that crap.

Oh well guess I'm not and just need validation.

Maybe I'll start doing the stomach excersises tomorrow. Yes that's it.

Later guys I have to go do some excer...fuck it I'm not that fat.

Continuations
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: Andre Segovia
Topic: What just happened?
Well here I am on a Friday night sitting at my computer listening to Andre Segovia's excellent guitar playing. Not sure where I picked the love of the classical guitar up, but it's so...well sexy.

It was another wonderful day at work. Let's put it this way almost every day I've been in at 6:00 am and left at 7:00 pm or later. Tonight was 9:00. I'm just plain old fucking tired. Couldn't even bring myself to go out or answer the phone.

Had a little run in with a woman (child really, IQ wise). She was evidentally brought up wrong and I'm know paying for it. Work relationships are so tenuious at best and I never really cared for her so it just kind of came to a head. What bothers me most about it is that I let someone that I don't really care about get to me that much. Stupid on my part.

I'm going to get really queer here and tell about what I bought and am planning for my weekend. It's amazed even me. I bought the entire seasons (not just 1 or 2 but all 6) of Sex In The City. Not only that but I'm planning an entire weekend around the viewing of said DVD's. My friend Julie was a little jealous and wanted to come over but I really need that freedom of walking around in my underwear and nasty t-shirt if I want. They have so far been pretty good. I'm only into season 2.

Anyway, the City Beat "Best Of Cincinnati" just came out and I'm kind of wondering why I don't know about most of these places. Well I guess it's because I work all the fucking time and sleep and go back to work. I've lived Downtown for 5 years and I don't really get out and experience it. I hate that.

I don't want to be tied down to just Gay bars for my enjoyment. I want to LIVE LIVE LIVE as Auntie Mame said.

I think I going to move in the next month. I just talked to someone today who gave me no good reason not to move my ass other than lazyness. I'll let you know when it happens, but it's going to mean giving up somethings and budgeting better.

Now at the same time I'm going to have to do all of this, make time for friends and still get out and enjoy life. How do people do it? Actually glad I'm gay and single. Being over 40 probably helps in the perspective of it. Hopefully I"m still cute enough to get some dates or something.

As I've said before I don't want a relationship, at least not now in my life.

So untill Monday (I'll update on the meeting)take care out there boys.

Later

Back at last, Back at last
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Chris Botti
Topic: What do you say?
Where does one start? I don't want to do the usual "sorry I haven't written anything in awhile" bullshit. I've been busy, end of story.

It's been a long time and lots of things have happened. I was sick for awhile and now thanks to good drugs, I'm better. My mom had a stroke and is getting better. Work is truly getting out of hand. Still not in love or anything serious. Guess some things never change.

Don't really remember where I left off, so I'll just start with the new year. Well it really did start off bad, with the tsunami's and everything, I was feeling kinda depressed.

Then about January 3rd I started getting really nasty pains in my chestal area. Thought it might be the big one, but I've had it before and knew it was the old gastro stuff again. It got pretty damn bad (the last time it was that bad I ended up hooked up to a morphine drip, which by the way is a wonder drug). I went to the doctor and he gave me lots of drugs to take, so I'm getting better.

It cut into my outside life alot and made me change my eating/drinking habits. I've gone "Organic" sorta. I eat lots of vegetables (never my favorites) and drink organically/lactose free milk. Yummy. Dropped about 15 pounds in the first week. I'm fairly thin so that wasn't a good thing really. But I lost my tummy. (since regained).

I had to totally give up any alcohol. Makes going out a pointless thing. I still did it just to keep up on things (thanks for the patience Jack). Went to my first alcohol free Mardi Gras party (boring), not anybodys fault just wasn't into it. I was supposed to quit smoking to but figured I needed something. I really need to find a weed source before I do that.

I've since after 6 weeks started imbibing a little bit so it's not as bad going out. Would still rather smoke the weed instead though.

While this was going on my Mom had a few strokes. She didn't let us know right away so after about the 3rd or 4th, we could tell she wasn't doing well. After the trip and stay to the hospital she's doing therapy and is pretty much back to normal. (she's still going out of town so she must be better, not driving but ready to get back to it). My sister has actually been great during this whole thing. She remained sane and made Mom do excersises and stuff. Of course since Mom is doing better she's starting back into her old ways. I wish I knew what to do.

All through this time of course there was work. We are now doing 2 full 600+ page catalogs plus at least 46 supplemental and about 8 special (market specific) catalog, usually about 16 pages of totally new photos. Along with that I've had to get someone elses catalog ready for a web site and keep ours updated, visually of course.

I'm a little taxed on creative shit by now.

Meetings, meetings, meetings. I hate them, yet they still happen. How do you stop them? I now have to attend an ongoing/pointless, Monday morning meeting with other department point people (ie..usless/suckups). I don't get them but there I am. I'll start documenting them later.

Now as if that is not enough, we are getting ready to open a German version of our business. Well guess what? All new photos are needed for pretty much everything. I've already had the meeting with the boss to explain that I'm only 1 person and I can only shove so much shit through that needle eye.
His response? None so far, just decided that I needed to produce another document explaining why I needed help. WTF?

Can I just stop here and say something?

I work for an extremely anal retantive guy and it's finally gotten out of hand. Add to that, he's a sorta friend and we = bad things are gonna happen.

Oh well, guess I'll have to suck it up or quit.

Now try to add a social life in here. Can't be done my friends.

I'm slowly starting to get out into the real world again so I'm not going crazy (yet).

Through all of this my good friend Jackson has been his usual reliable self. We finally had a movie day at my place (good beer huh Jackson?) and will have to do it again soon.

I'm going to end here and try to update more often. Take care of yourselves guys.

Later